I've already sent out a message to all current seniors and their parents in advance of this 'decision season' but I also wanted to make a blog post as we approach the final moments of the waiting game that is the college application process. This time of year is special because for a large chunk of seniors, it is when they go from hoping they will be picked to being the person doing the picking. It is a quite rapid (and sometimes overwhelming) shift, so if it is the position you find yourself or your child in, don't worry, your feelings are natural.
I always start by drawing attention to this gifts and challenges post that I wrote way back when this blog was in its infancy. I point it out every year because I think the message still holds true. This process is long, and can be exhausting, and can be confusing - but in the end, you'll survive it and probably be better for it. Whether you got into your dream school or are faced with fewer choices than you wanted, I'm confident in your success because I believe in you not in the name of the college on your diploma four years from now. Tape that on a post-it on your bathroom mirror if you have to. Repeat it to yourself as a mantra. In the words of Frank Bruni, where you go is not who you'll be.
While not quite over yet, this has appeared to be a year with lots of waitlisting. Schools do this as a way to manage their enrollment and maximize their stats (to ultimately help an obscure magazine sell copies). If you find yourself in this position, remember that you could always only enroll in one place. Twenty years from now, be it if you were placed on one waitlist or eight waitlists, you'll remember the place you ended up enrolling, not the places you didn't. There is usually no way to predict waitlist movement. Every year is unpredictable - that is, after all, why waitlists exist in the first place. A school could unexpectedly over-enroll (and thus not need their waitlist). A school could see deposits with a great gender imbalance, requiring them to fill beds in a dorms in a certain pattern. Instead of pouring energy into knowing if/when you'll get off of a waitlist - put that energy into two tasks. 1) Contact the college where you are waitlisted and give them a brief but sincere summary of your continued interest and any accomplishments that have happened since you've applied. Only do this if you actually are interested in attending that school more than every other place you got in. This isn't a competition for trophy collecting. If you want to stay on a waitlist "just to see if you can get in", even when you know full well you are picking a different college, please seriously reconsider your motivations. You are being unfair to the college and unfair to the other people on the waitlist who would be serious contenders to enroll. 2) Get excited about the places where you were admitted. Somewhere out there wants you. I'm a firm believer that every college can be a place for growth, social happiness, and academic inspiration. Having a negative attitude from the start is a recipe for trouble. This fall I told you you needed to like your likelys. Now is the time to walk that walk.
Yesterday morning, we had an awesome PTA meeting speaker named Sean Grover. While much of his talk was only tangentially related to the college process, I think a few of the things he brought up do connect to this process. First and foremost, parents/guardians please remember that your children notice everything about the messages you explicitly and implicitly send. If you aren't on board with your senior's college options, it will be hard for them to get on board. The train is leaving the station and we need you on it. Repeat in your household how proud you are of your kids. Even if you've said it before, say it again. Use words. Use actions. Use hugs. Let them overhear you telling your friends. You are building memories every day together. Make this final stretch of the college process a time filled with praise and celebration. Your final visits to admitted student days will be over in a blink of an eye. If you catch yourself bickering or feeling tense as a family, press reset and reminder yourself that this is going to be a big transition and both adults and kids need to be there for one another.
In closing, I don't want to fail to mention another elephant in the room. Money. College is designed to be an investment. In fact, it is designed (in a lot of cases) to be a pretty serious investment. As in the cost of an apartment (ok, an apartment in an outer borough, but you get it) kind of serious investment. Would you buy an apartment without seeing it? Would you buy an apartment without comparing it to the other apartments you could be buying? Would you let a person who can't even legally buy alcohol be the sole decision maker in buying an apartment? I say this because every year I see families who make enrollment decisions with total disregard to family finances. They don't even sit down and calculate the net costs for all of their options-- opting instead to just enroll at the 'best' school or 'first choice' school they got into. This is nuts! You filled out the FAFSA. You did the paperwork and the applications. You owe it to yourself to at least make an informed decision about the exact billed costs at each place and the exact amount of discounts (meaning scholarships, grants, or other institutional aid that won't be paid back) that you are being offered. This doesn't mean you have to pick the least expensive school. But, it does mean that you should at least be making an informed decision. If you opt to take out loans in order to go to a more expensive options, at least understand the exact dollar amounts ahead of time. Sacrificing planning for retirement to pay for school is NOT a smart idea. Enrolling at a second or third choice school in exchange for preparing for the future is not cruel. In fact, it might be the most benevolent thing a parent can do for their child.
Congrats to the Class of 2016! We're here!
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